Or, in other words - and now for something completely different.


( #57 - Thanksgiving )


So yeah. Thanksgiving fanfic. Six days after Thanksgiving. Eh.

( #14 - Family )


Okay, it's quite a bit different from what I usually write. But I do plan on writing an Oscar crossover. Eventually. Just as soon as I get significant work done on The Shadow Knows.

Hoo boy.

At least I'm writing again. That's a start.

After reading Matt Briner's Firefly reviews, I decided to write my own pseudo-review/synopsis of Oscar, partly for the hell of it, and partly to take a break from fan fiction. So here it is!

Warning: This article, being a synopsis of the whole movie, is very spoiler heavy, so click at your own risk! If you read it, and suddenly decide you want to steal cars, shave puppies or something like it, don't blame me. Anyway...



( It was a dark and stormy day in New York... )


Questions? Comments?

Farleys: o.0
Well, at least I'm not obsessing over that one line, right?
Farleys: *blink blink*

Aaand now, a quiz:

Spock

A focused advisor whose actions are dictated by almost pure logic, you believe in exploring the fascinating possibilities around you.

Logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

Spock is a character in the Star Trek universe. His biography is available at Startrek.com.

Now's really not the best time to go into slash/borderline-slash mode, 'mm kay?

Farley: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STOP REWATCHING THAT DAMN LINE!!!
I can't help it - for some reason the line holds some really squicky connotations.
Farley: I wasn't even there er, um, should I really be saying that?
Rift-Farley: Hey, speak for yourself!
Eh, don't worry, I'm getting there. Anyway, can I help it if that line sounds so-
Farleys: *collective shudder*
Farley: Please don't. Bad touch. Never go there again.
Right.

So yes, I am rewriting Farley's intro story. Again. After going through Pitfall enough times to be fairly competent at it (with a little help from the walkthrough), I think I've deserved some writing time.

( #85 - Dizzy )


Yeah. Pitfall: The Lost Expedition. Fun to play, but the Battered Bridge level? Freaking insane. Especially having to cross the damn thing. Everything's fine until I actually get on it, at which point it's suddenly like "Whoa..."

In other news - the Hawaiian Chair.

...for an actual entry. Wow, what a concept.

Do they even try to come up with stuff that makes sense for the Sobe drink bottlecaps? My bottle of Sobe Tsunami had "Scorch Muffins" for a slogan.

"Scorch Muffins."

That sounds like a kick-ass name for a indie punk band. Either that or some really weird futuristic sexual slang.

They probably have some good ones out there, too. I once got one that said "No passion in plastics."

That one actually made a little sense. Not to mention pretty cool.

( #70 - Bum )


Muses: *collective o.0*
Doom: ...That's disturbing.
Farley: Does that mean we get to kick you out?
Eh, couldn't really think of anything else, and this begged to be written. Also, just for the record, I did not plan on "quarterstaff" being any kind of innuendo, subtle or otherwise. I was partway through the story when I realized that it was a possibility, and pretty much decided "the hell with it." So no. No "Seduction of the Innocent"™ brand innuendo. No allusions to weird, kinky sex. Just a man getting thwapped on the ass with a stick.

On the other hand, I'm writing again, which is always a good thing.

1. Go to IMDB.com and look up 10 of your favorite movies.
2. Post three or four official IMDB "Plot Keywords" for each.
3. Hey guys, guess the movies!

1. Subliminal Message, Child Murder, Returning Character Killed Off, Preacher
2. Bomb, Lifting Person In Air, Brainwash, Kidnapping
3. Unlikely Hero, Scroll, Father Son Relationship, Prison Escape
4. Loan Shark, Siamese Twins, Amnesia, Torture
5. Love At First Sight, Fire Extinguisher, Girl Next Door, Peeping Tom
6. Father Disapproves of Fiance, Mafia, Reference to Cab Calloway, Double Wedding
7. Suicidal, Electrical Torture, Body Landing On Car, Death Wish
8. Exchange Student, Suicide Attempt, Paper Boy, Clay Animation
9. Time Travel, Jukebox, Obsession, Reference to Moby Dick
10. Snake, Burnt Hand, Scale Model of City, Monkey Corpse

Fire away!

Or "What happens when Marie gets a funny idea about Serenity in her head but is kinda clueless about writing the Operative".


( #28 - Fall )


Okay, for those of you not wise in the ways of Whedon (Alliteration! Woo!), our heroes are talking about the Operative, the government-sponsored villain of Serenity, and his signature move, in which he disables his victim using pressure points and then positions himself with his sword so the victim falls onto it.
Farley: Or he skewers them, depending on how much they've pissed him off.
That too. Anyway, the idea of "the victim who fell the wrong way" has been with me for a while, but I wasn't quite sure if I could really write the Operative in that kind of situation. Then I gave it to Farley, and it took off from there. My work here is done.

( #71 - Drunk )


Farley: You're never going to get that story down, are you?
Don't worry, I think I've got it down now.
Farley: Oh.
The only trouble is actually writing it.
Farley: ...Ah.

I was gonna include this with my post about "Original Sin", but it somehow seemed kind of tacky. So.

I kind of strained for quotes for this one, so don't be surprised if you didn't get many.

1. Well, unfortunately, I forgot to bring a sword... I would put that down right now if I were you... - Serenity, Dr. Mathias (the main doctor working on River) before he gets shish-ka-bobbed by the Operative

2. I won't live to report this, but people have to know. We meant it for the best, to make people safer... God! Noooo... - Serenity, Dr. Caron (the woman from the Miranda recording) before she gets skinned/devoured/raped (not necessarily in that order) by a Reaver (or ten)

3. Coward! Chicken! Sissy! Come out here and fight like a man! - The Shadow, Farley Claymore, before the Shadow calls his bluff

4. It's just... good business... - Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, Lord Cutler Beckett, before his ship gets destroyed

5. I'll give your love to your mother, shall I? - Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, Governor Swann, on his way to the afterlife

6. Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances. - Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Grand Moff Tarkin, before young Skywalker proves him very wrong

7. Your shirt... - Buffy the Vampire Slayer ("Seeing Red") Tara, after being shot by Warren

8. Well, gosh! - Buffy the Vampire Slayer ("Graduation, Part 2) Mayor Richard Wilkins, just before Sunnydale High is blown up

9. That really was a Hattori Hanzo sword... - Kill Bill Vol. 1, O-Ren Ishii, after being scalped by said Hanzo sword

10. How in the hell did that happen? - Shanghai Noon, Marshall Van Cleef, after somehow getting shot by Roy

11. Go to hell, Riggs... - Lethal Weapon 3, Jack Travis, after being shot by Riggs

12. They must have. And not just my face. They know every inch of my body. And they're not the only ones... It's you! - Clue, Yvette, before being strangled

13. Child, look what you have done. You have killed me, an insignificant man. But in my place, there shall rise...a god... - Hellboy, Rasputin, after being stabbed by Hellboy, but before being exploded by a mini-Eldritch Abomination

14. I'm not playing anymore. Anyone makes so much as a- - Firefly ("Serenity"), Dobson, before ending up on the wrong end of a CMoA, courtesy of Mal (at least until Those Left Behind)

15. Keep the money. Use it to buy a funeral. It doesn't matter where you go, or how far you fly -- I will hunt you down, and the last thing you see will be my blade. - Firefly ("The Train Job"), Crow, before getting kicked into Serenity's engine intake

16. Wake up! Time to die! - Blade Runner, Leon, before getting shot by Rachel

17. How did he do such fantastic stunts... with such little feet?! - Blazing Saddles, Hedy Hedley Lamaar, after being shot by Bart

18. What was it you said to me before? "Yippee-kai-yay, motherfucker"? - Die Hard, Hans Gruber, before getting shot and thrown out a window

19. But I'm a fucking demon... - Dogma, Azrael, after getting his chest smashed in by a holy golf club

20. Unless Acme's will shows by tonight, Toontown's gonna be land for the free- - Who Framed Roger Rabbit, R.K. Maroon, before getting shot by Doom

And the fake final last words are, of course, from our friendly neighborhood Operative, though he might have a few words to say on the matter.

Okay, so I admit that Farley's death in The Shadow via forced self-defenestration will always be a slightly sore point with me, but Taylor Dane's "Original Sin"?

KICK. FRIGGIN'. ASS!

Seriously, why haven't I listened to this before?! The film mix is such an adrenaline rush...

I've been looking for the ultimate crime;
Infinite victims, infinitesimal time
And I'm so, so very guilty for no reason or rhyme;
So now I'm just looking and I'm killing some time;
Endlessly searching for the ultimate crime...

Wow.

Done by stormwreath andbeer_good_foamy - 20 dying words by various movie and TV characters, and you get to guess who's who...


1. Well, unfortunately, I forgot to bring a sword... I would put that down right now if I were you...

2. I won't live to report this, but people have to know. We meant it for the best, to make people safer... God! Noooo-

3. Coward! Chicken! Sissy! Come out here and fight like a man!

4. It's just... good business...

5. I'll give your love to your mother, shall I?

6. Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.

7. Your shirt...

8. Well, gosh!

9. That really was a Hattori Hanzo sword...

10. How in the hell did that happen?

11. Go to hell, Riggs...

12. They must have. And not just my face. They know every inch of my body. And they're not the only ones... It's you!

13. Child, look what you have done. You have killed me, an insignificant man. But in my place, there shall rise...a god...

14. I'm not playing anymore. Anyone makes so much as a-

15. Keep the money. Use it to buy a funeral. It doesn't matter where you go, or how far you fly -- I will hunt you down, and the last thing you see will be my blade.

16. Wake up! Time to die!

17. How did he do such fantastic stunts... with such little feet?!

18. What was it you said to me before? "Yippee-kai-yay, motherfucker"?

19. But I'm a fucking demon...

20. Unless Acme's will shows by tonight, Toontown's gonna be land for the free-

And one very interesting subversion-

* You should know there's no shame in this. You've done remarkable things. But you're fighting a war you've already lost.

Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett are both dead.

Now would all the people going "Farrah/Michael's more shiny", "Ding-dong, the bastard's dead", "Now he gets to burn in hell" and so forth please shut the f*** up?!

Seriously. Knock it off already.

(It doesn't help that I didn't even know who she was aside from that one joke from Buffy, and that I suspect that she'll be most remembered for her stint on Charlie's Angels. BLEH.)

That said - dammit, this isn't supposed to be the year where everyone dies!

The instant rimshot.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled internets....

( #35 - Broken )


Farley: You couldn't just have nightmares like the rest of us, could you?

...The world is on crack.
Doom: And you've only just noticed?
...Where did you come from?
Doom: Don't look at me. I'm not the one who watched that tribute video... how many times has it been at this point?
Bastard.
Doom: And yet.
Erg. I'm starting to see why some Buffy fans actually like Angelus. Even after threatening Willow. And promising ugly death to everyone Buffy cares about. And killing Jenny Calendar and leaving her body for Giles to find after setting up his home like she'd planned a romantic evening for them.
Doom: And this was before he tried to suck everyone into Hell.
Pretty much. Er, you're not gonna try and use this as an excuse?
Doom: An excuse? No. A way of putting things in perspective? ...Give me a minute.
Er, right... Anyway, Parry Gripp - the same person who brought you "Soccer Ball (In The Face)"-
Farley: And knees. And chest. And, um...
Doom: (extremely sarcastic) "Nose?"
Farley: o.O
Well said.
Doom: You would've made me say it anyway, wouldn't you?
...Maybe.
Doom: Back to the matter at hand...
Right. Anyway, I actually found "Cat Flushing A Toilet" kind of disturbing, mainly because the concept was funny by itself, and didn't really need a TV commercial jingle-y tune to go with it. "Soccer Ball (In The Face"? No, mainly because getting hit with a soccer ball? NOT FUN.  "Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom", on the other hand-
Doom: *twitch twitch*
It was cute, though it made me realize that the only way I'll ever get to do Pet the Dog scene with Doom (or Resuscitate the Dog in this case) with a rabbit will probably involve some very heavy sedatives.
*puts on "Fuzzy Fuzzy Cute Cute"*
Doom: *spasm* ...If you'll excuse me, I need to go die from overexposure to evil cuteness.
It is rather diabetes-inducing, isn't it?