( #71 - Drunk )


Farley: You're never going to get that story down, are you?
Don't worry, I think I've got it down now.
Farley: Oh.
The only trouble is actually writing it.
Farley: ...Ah.

I was gonna include this with my post about "Original Sin", but it somehow seemed kind of tacky. So.

I kind of strained for quotes for this one, so don't be surprised if you didn't get many.

1. Well, unfortunately, I forgot to bring a sword... I would put that down right now if I were you... - Serenity, Dr. Mathias (the main doctor working on River) before he gets shish-ka-bobbed by the Operative

2. I won't live to report this, but people have to know. We meant it for the best, to make people safer... God! Noooo... - Serenity, Dr. Caron (the woman from the Miranda recording) before she gets skinned/devoured/raped (not necessarily in that order) by a Reaver (or ten)

3. Coward! Chicken! Sissy! Come out here and fight like a man! - The Shadow, Farley Claymore, before the Shadow calls his bluff

4. It's just... good business... - Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, Lord Cutler Beckett, before his ship gets destroyed

5. I'll give your love to your mother, shall I? - Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, Governor Swann, on his way to the afterlife

6. Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances. - Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Grand Moff Tarkin, before young Skywalker proves him very wrong

7. Your shirt... - Buffy the Vampire Slayer ("Seeing Red") Tara, after being shot by Warren

8. Well, gosh! - Buffy the Vampire Slayer ("Graduation, Part 2) Mayor Richard Wilkins, just before Sunnydale High is blown up

9. That really was a Hattori Hanzo sword... - Kill Bill Vol. 1, O-Ren Ishii, after being scalped by said Hanzo sword

10. How in the hell did that happen? - Shanghai Noon, Marshall Van Cleef, after somehow getting shot by Roy

11. Go to hell, Riggs... - Lethal Weapon 3, Jack Travis, after being shot by Riggs

12. They must have. And not just my face. They know every inch of my body. And they're not the only ones... It's you! - Clue, Yvette, before being strangled

13. Child, look what you have done. You have killed me, an insignificant man. But in my place, there shall rise...a god... - Hellboy, Rasputin, after being stabbed by Hellboy, but before being exploded by a mini-Eldritch Abomination

14. I'm not playing anymore. Anyone makes so much as a- - Firefly ("Serenity"), Dobson, before ending up on the wrong end of a CMoA, courtesy of Mal (at least until Those Left Behind)

15. Keep the money. Use it to buy a funeral. It doesn't matter where you go, or how far you fly -- I will hunt you down, and the last thing you see will be my blade. - Firefly ("The Train Job"), Crow, before getting kicked into Serenity's engine intake

16. Wake up! Time to die! - Blade Runner, Leon, before getting shot by Rachel

17. How did he do such fantastic stunts... with such little feet?! - Blazing Saddles, Hedy Hedley Lamaar, after being shot by Bart

18. What was it you said to me before? "Yippee-kai-yay, motherfucker"? - Die Hard, Hans Gruber, before getting shot and thrown out a window

19. But I'm a fucking demon... - Dogma, Azrael, after getting his chest smashed in by a holy golf club

20. Unless Acme's will shows by tonight, Toontown's gonna be land for the free- - Who Framed Roger Rabbit, R.K. Maroon, before getting shot by Doom

And the fake final last words are, of course, from our friendly neighborhood Operative, though he might have a few words to say on the matter.

Okay, so I admit that Farley's death in The Shadow via forced self-defenestration will always be a slightly sore point with me, but Taylor Dane's "Original Sin"?

KICK. FRIGGIN'. ASS!

Seriously, why haven't I listened to this before?! The film mix is such an adrenaline rush...

I've been looking for the ultimate crime;
Infinite victims, infinitesimal time
And I'm so, so very guilty for no reason or rhyme;
So now I'm just looking and I'm killing some time;
Endlessly searching for the ultimate crime...

Wow.

Done by stormwreath andbeer_good_foamy - 20 dying words by various movie and TV characters, and you get to guess who's who...


1. Well, unfortunately, I forgot to bring a sword... I would put that down right now if I were you...

2. I won't live to report this, but people have to know. We meant it for the best, to make people safer... God! Noooo-

3. Coward! Chicken! Sissy! Come out here and fight like a man!

4. It's just... good business...

5. I'll give your love to your mother, shall I?

6. Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.

7. Your shirt...

8. Well, gosh!

9. That really was a Hattori Hanzo sword...

10. How in the hell did that happen?

11. Go to hell, Riggs...

12. They must have. And not just my face. They know every inch of my body. And they're not the only ones... It's you!

13. Child, look what you have done. You have killed me, an insignificant man. But in my place, there shall rise...a god...

14. I'm not playing anymore. Anyone makes so much as a-

15. Keep the money. Use it to buy a funeral. It doesn't matter where you go, or how far you fly -- I will hunt you down, and the last thing you see will be my blade.

16. Wake up! Time to die!

17. How did he do such fantastic stunts... with such little feet?!

18. What was it you said to me before? "Yippee-kai-yay, motherfucker"?

19. But I'm a fucking demon...

20. Unless Acme's will shows by tonight, Toontown's gonna be land for the free-

And one very interesting subversion-

* You should know there's no shame in this. You've done remarkable things. But you're fighting a war you've already lost.

Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett are both dead.

Now would all the people going "Farrah/Michael's more shiny", "Ding-dong, the bastard's dead", "Now he gets to burn in hell" and so forth please shut the f*** up?!

Seriously. Knock it off already.

(It doesn't help that I didn't even know who she was aside from that one joke from Buffy, and that I suspect that she'll be most remembered for her stint on Charlie's Angels. BLEH.)

That said - dammit, this isn't supposed to be the year where everyone dies!

The instant rimshot.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled internets....

( #35 - Broken )


Farley: You couldn't just have nightmares like the rest of us, could you?

...The world is on crack.
Doom: And you've only just noticed?
...Where did you come from?
Doom: Don't look at me. I'm not the one who watched that tribute video... how many times has it been at this point?
Bastard.
Doom: And yet.
Erg. I'm starting to see why some Buffy fans actually like Angelus. Even after threatening Willow. And promising ugly death to everyone Buffy cares about. And killing Jenny Calendar and leaving her body for Giles to find after setting up his home like she'd planned a romantic evening for them.
Doom: And this was before he tried to suck everyone into Hell.
Pretty much. Er, you're not gonna try and use this as an excuse?
Doom: An excuse? No. A way of putting things in perspective? ...Give me a minute.
Er, right... Anyway, Parry Gripp - the same person who brought you "Soccer Ball (In The Face)"-
Farley: And knees. And chest. And, um...
Doom: (extremely sarcastic) "Nose?"
Farley: o.O
Well said.
Doom: You would've made me say it anyway, wouldn't you?
...Maybe.
Doom: Back to the matter at hand...
Right. Anyway, I actually found "Cat Flushing A Toilet" kind of disturbing, mainly because the concept was funny by itself, and didn't really need a TV commercial jingle-y tune to go with it. "Soccer Ball (In The Face"? No, mainly because getting hit with a soccer ball? NOT FUN.  "Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom", on the other hand-
Doom: *twitch twitch*
It was cute, though it made me realize that the only way I'll ever get to do Pet the Dog scene with Doom (or Resuscitate the Dog in this case) with a rabbit will probably involve some very heavy sedatives.
*puts on "Fuzzy Fuzzy Cute Cute"*
Doom: *spasm* ...If you'll excuse me, I need to go die from overexposure to evil cuteness.
It is rather diabetes-inducing, isn't it?

That's Wash, all right...

Eeeevil Wash...

No offense, but am I the only one who kinda finds Agatha primping before she starts chewing Gil out a case of MAJOR FAIL?

I bought a Garfield Minus Garfield book.

I am so hip.

Also (taken from this website)



Marty: Ho. Ly. Shit.
Strangely enough, Biff's the freakiest. And that's not all, folks!



Doc: Great Scott...
I take it back - that's freakier. Well, either that, or they're all running around naked somewhere...
Farley: ...You just love making our brains melt, don't you?

Eh, I don't get it either...

Yeah.

I'm gonna be talking about that.

Way back when I first found out about the live-action Avatar movie - and that M. Night Shyamalan was going to direct it - I felt confused, and a little worried.

When I found out that Jessie "Beautiful Soul" McCartney was going to play broody, Well Done Son Guy Zuko, I was disappointed, because I had realized exactly where these people's hearts were - their wallets.

The casting of Jackson Rathbone from Twilight pretty much confirmed this.

Maybe I'll watch the movie someday, probably when it's out on DVD and I can get it from the library. Maybe.

That said-

To those who oppose: I honestly think you are fighting for a good cause, and understand your arguments as well as how they might interlace with my experience.

To those who don't think it matter: It's your prerogative, and I'm personally not going to call you on it. While I think the people arguing against it have made good points, I'm not really willing to get involved in the debates, mainly because it won't get anywhere or get anything done.

That said, anyone who starts anything is going to get deleted - as far as I'm concerned, the people making this lost me when they brought in Shyamalan.

Title: This Can't Be Happening! (or Farley plays Eternal Darkness for the sheer lulz of it)
Author: Slacker Spice (shego2drakken)
Rating: PG-13, maybe a light R
Word Count: 133
Author's Notes: The game Farley's playing in this drabble is called Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem - a supernatural video game which boasts the unique idea of a sanity meter. Like a health or magic bar, the sanity meter is depleted by various conditions, such as being spotted by an enemy. As it grows lower, random "sanity effects" start appearing - the camera angle becomes more skewed, fourth wall-breaking "messages" from the Game Cube or television, and (to my great amusement) the various things that happen to whatever character you're playing at the moment. The character rapidly shrinks or grows in size; their head, limbs, and eventually their torso pops off; everything above the waist explodes when you cast a spell - fun for the whole family. It's probably scarier if you're playing it yourself, but when you're watching a playthrough video on YouTube? Hilarious. (Shrinking occurs at 6:04.)


( This! Isn't! Really! Happening! )


Farley: Wait, what?
As much as I wish I was lying, yes.
Farley: Now that's just disturbing.
I know what you mean. It's one of the few bits from the video that actually scared me.

Explanation - At one point when you're looking for the next chapter page for the Tome, you (as Alexandra, the main character) find yourself in one of the bathrooms. If you examine the bathtub, you are suddenly (and I do mean suddenly) confronted with a hallucination of her lying in the now-full tub, having committed suicide by slitting her wrists.

That is so getting added to the Nightmare Fuel page.
</lj>

...a.k.a. "Slacker Spice tries to write something that doesn't actively involve Farley".


( #41 - What? )

Gotta love loopholes...

Sylvia Plath's son, Nicholas Hughes, hangs himself.

There's probably no way I can comment without coming off as tactless, so all I can say, really, is "Huh."

Get hounded by paparazzi for a day?

No. Just no.